I'm sick and tired of living in fear and humiliation.

So I might be killing myself again today because I'm probably put out for telling staff that manager Charmaine Short and CAN shelters director Tyra Howard disrespect us, our property, the Constitution, citizens, taxpayers, etc, and I already emailed them and Sue Bull that I would kill myself again if put out- it's not that I WANT to stay in the shelter, it's that I have nowhere to go, and Baltimore County ruined my life back in '93, and dint learn a thing from my FIRST suicide attempt, so...

It's an emergency shelter so we're not allowed to stay in it. It's not really shelter-- it's psychological battery. It's as bad as or worse than being on the street, psychologically.

Tyra Howard told me back in May 2010 that the US Constitution "does not apply in this [shelter] building." In May 2011 the Baltimore County Police sent an "Outreach" officer to the shelter to speak with me to confirm Tyra's statement, and other staff assertions.

The attitudes and preachments of the CAN staff and Baltimore County Social Services staff are antithetical to the 10 Year Plan to End Homelessness developed by Baltimore County thru the charrette process in Fall 2010.

They put out my best buddy, a woman around my age with a chronic physical condition, because she "was here too long," and didn't want to go into a mental health program. Also, I believe, because she and I and a few others started finding out persons and programs on the "outside" to contact about mistreatment and shelter conditions; and she PARTICIPATED in the charrette (I myself scoffed at it, and was discouraged from speaking at the April 2011 Rally for the Homeless in Towson).

Downsizing the Homeless

We're not allowed to store enough clothes to get or keep a decent job. allowed one 36-gallon tote and a "dirty clothes bag"-- which after laundry is supposed to be EMPTY. We're not allowed to put anything UNDER the bunks except 2 pairs of shoes. In my lengthy meeting with Baltimore County's Sue Bull in May 2011, I pressed for us to be allowed to use this space, which is 74" long x 34" wide x 9" high clearance. Without exact calculation, I guess that we could fit the contents of 2 of our current totes in there, in underbed storage boxes/bags.

Things have definitely improved overall since I came here July 2009, but I often think I'd be better off just packing up a few pieces of clothes and important papers and just walking out of here, although I have no place to go where I'm welcome to sleep or eat.

All they're doing is packing bodies into buildings, the bunks really dint make it any better, or even allow many more bodies to be packed in.

In a normal home a small child has the expectation that if he walks anywhere in a room, he can play with the objects or people he encounters. In the shelter dorms, a child has at most 4 feet to toddle before he or she encounters another person's bunk, which, altho it's at just the right level for a toddler's table, holds a stranger's or another family's possessions.

This shellter index pubbed W Jan 11 2012 by Janet Granofsky. More later, maybe, if I don't die today. If I do, please don't let any CAN staff or mgmt near my body. And they'll prolly try to destroy all my logs and electronic records. But nobody's interested anyway. See my main Index for this site.

Actually less than visitors so far.